Stress

Do you ever feel like your the only one?  The only one stressing and freaking out about what seems like everything?   I'm having one of those moments right this second.  I know that everything will be fine, I can see the rescue boat I just have to climb in (have you ever tried to climb into a boat while your in the water?  Even one with the ladder?  The ladder goes up under the boat and you have to use all your arm strength to pull yourself up).  Anyway, I hate being like this becuase I get down then I start feeling like a failure. 

I'm stressing out about money (everything seems to have hit all at once) so I've failed at my finances and my budget.  I've failed at getting out of debt and trying to save money. 

I'm stressing about my weight so I'm a failure at that.  I feel like I have good intentions but I fall off the eat right & exercise banwagon everyday so I fail everyday. 

Because I'm stressed, I act stressed, stressed = moody!  Never a good combination when your trying to be the best wife and mother. 

You know what is amazing?  Even though I feel all these things and I think I'm failing at everything, God sees something different.  To Him I'm perfect because He fearfully and wonderfully made me.  He reminded me that I have been faithful and consistant with my tithes and my finances.  He reminded me of Malachi 3:10- "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."  He asked me, "Didn't I promise you this? So why are you stressing?  You need to release the control and give it to me, have faith in me that I will provide all your needs according to my riches in glory!" 

I needed to ask for forgiveness at this point because I have not put my faith in Him, I have not leaned on Him, I have not asked for His help.  I know He cares for me and everything about me.  Why is that never the first thing I do, cast my cares upon Him?  I feel better already.  Lord, help me to always remember that you are in control and you care about me and what is going on in my life.  

what I want...

Even though my birthday is in July, a girl can dream.  I usually don't want anything for my birthday and don't want people to spend the money.  This year is no exception, but I thought I'd throw a few things out there.

I noticed the other day that my purse has a hole in it!  I'm hard on purses and I carry a ton of stuff.  I saw this amazing purse in Oklahoma City one weekend but it didn't look like it would hold up.  I haven't seen anything I liked until I saw this purse at Maurices!  Of course I would have to look at it to see if it passes the test.  It definitely passes the color test though!


I hate buying clothes because I always think that I'm going to lose weight, but...I always need a new pair of jeans!  I'm picky about my jeans (maybe I shouldn't be, but I am).  My fav jeans so far have been Vigoss, but if they fit and they look good, I'm willing to try new things.

 

Now, I'm not one to buy skinny pants because I think I'd look like a top!


But I got this cute shirt but it's a little too short to wear with leggings and a little too long to wear with jeans!  So I think I need these...

And shoes!  I could always make room for more shoes!

    , etc. etc. etc.

232. Forgetting my phone at home.

231. Finding the fabric I need in a bundle on clearance!

230. Funny stories about the boys reenacted by J.

229. Homemade corndogs.

228. Dinner with Bubba & Zanne

227. Almost figuring out the sewing machine.

226. Working on items for Bo's baby shower!

225. J getting us donuts.

224.  Sleeping in on a cloudy morning.

223.A battle for someones keys because I didn't think they were ok to drive.

222. Stopping and praying for a friends relative that is in the hospital.

221. John & Grace all dressed up.  :)

220. Another party, just for fun.

219. Mary Kay get together.

218. Homemade shirt & headband for a 4 year old.

217. Tutu & tie birthday party for Haley.

216. Keeping Conner & Logan.

215. Pizza & movie night.

214. This Friday going by fast!

213.  Planning to not have credit card debt by the end of the year!!!!!!  :)

212. Getting to take Gav to a basketball game.

211. Free tickets to the Mavs basketball game & parking pass.  Sec. 120, Row W, seats 12-15.

210. Walking/jogging with my mom in the evenings and Gav riding his bike.

209. My mom calling this morning to tell me she loves me! 
208. Justin's job.  I believe he has found where he belongs.

207.  Justin's work giving him a raise.

206. Justin getting more hours at work!

205. The smell of the stargazer lilies sitting on someones desk.

204. Making a budget that I understand fully.

203. A friend staying over for a couple of days.

202. Making dinner plans with an old friend.

201. Gav trying to explain his in class project to me.  I don't remember how many times he used "like" but it was cute and he's growing up.

200. Early to bed, early to rise.

199.  Seeing the shape of the sun and being able to look at it hidden behind the clouds.

198. Driving to work and seeing the sun out the right window and the moon out my left window.

197.  Having my baby back home!

196. Gavin thinking the song "black & yellow" is really saying "rock 'N' yellow"

195. The arms of the trees waving praise to their creator.

194. The whiff of my candles from inside the house.

193. Hearing all the sounds of the night. 

192. Rocking on my front porch.

191. A nice breeze.

190. No power.

189. Justin getting to play softball.

188. Trying to get into shape besides the round one I'm currently in!

187. My mom and I going walking/running last night.

186. The time change!  I love it when it stays daylight longer.

185. A precious baby born this morning Helen Kendall Danielle Wright!

184. Memories of a Grandpa that passed away 3 years ago today.

183. The joy I feel when I think about making baby gifts!

182. Gavin's step-mom.  Such a blessing knowing my baby is in good hands.

181. Gavin having a great dad, step-mom & sister to spend his spring break with.

180. Missing my Gav.

179. Going home.

178. Visiting my old children's pastor and his beautiful family (it's been about 13 years)!

177. Free breakfast.

176. Praying that if it's the Lord's will my dad with get THAT job.

175. Mark talking about a possible job back home.

174. Being at the venue where Cross Canadian Ragweed got their start.

173. Passing the gifts on to others.

172. Spending the weekend with my husband, mom & dad in Oklahoma.

171. Looking around and constantly seeing the shirts my grandpa used to wear.

170. My sweet daddy bringing me coffee in bed.

169. A relaxing weekend for my dad not having to drive home.

168. Laughs and memories with Mark & Theresa Jones.

167. The moon shining down.

166. The Oklahoma mountains.

165. A marriage being worked out.

164. God's divine plan that is beyond our comprehension.

163. My amazing church that makes an old tradition (to some) a refreshing eye opening journey.

162. The "Bright Sadness".
http://www.irvingbible.org/stories/note-from-pastor-andy/note-from-pastor-andy-3911/

161. The ashes coming from the burned palm leaves from last palm Sunday.

160. Ash Wednesday.

159. This quote from Ann Voskamp's blog.  "She who knows her sins much, loves much, and the road to heaven is paved with the realization that I deserve hell.  His rising will be all my joy, because I know it: He is ALL my hope."

158. My amazing husband building lamps from a front porch post.

157. Ideas turned into reality.

156. Plans to look forward to.

155. Medicine making me feel better.

154. A praying G-Mama.

153. The view from my bedroom window.

152. The warm sun shining in the cold house. 

151. J & Gav making shadow puppets.

You were always on my mind

3 years ago today my Grandpa passed suddenly from a heart attack.  He was plowing in one of his fields doing what he loved to do.  He was the support beams of our family.  It is rough and I replay that day in my mind over and over.  I know that I will see him again soon though.



Next thing on my mind is I'm dying to make stuff!  I have friends and family that are having babies and I want to make blankets, bibs & burp cloths!  I'm not a sewer so it's kind of hard for me to get started but I'm going to start!  I have a little cousin that has a birthday this month and I'm going to use my cricut to cut fabric and make a cute shirt....I'm going to do it! 


And onto the next thing.  My mom and I went walking/jogging last night and are planning on making it a habit.  I used to jog 4 or 5 days a week when I was in high school and I would love to get back to that.  Not to mention we have a friends wedding to attend in May and I don't want to be self concious around all those beautiful skinny people!  So guess what my work is doing today?  Celebrating St. Patty's Day with ice cream and cookies and you know what?  I'm not going to eat any of it.  I'm going to make my self a cup of hot tea and I'm going to look away!

Ash Wednesday & Lent

I grew up in a church that didn't recognize the Lenten season.  It was a few years ago when I started going to my current church (Irving Bible Church) that I was able to experience this journey. 

I have a friend that wrote in his blog, "There is no "season" to repentance. We are to live a life of repentance and repent every day, our whole life long. This whole idea of a season of repentance is wrong headed in my opinion. We die to sin and self and serve the Lord everyday throughout our entire life."  I agree with what he says.  But can't this season be about more than gorging ourselves on Fat Tuesday and then giving up chocolate for 40 days just to say that we did it?  It is kind of like a time to reflect, I mean really it can mean several different things to several different people.  The "Bright Sadness" as my pastor calls it because "it's a time of both mourning and celebration".  "During this season, we imitate Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for 40 days. We focus on Christ’s battle with Satan that he waged in order to win our salvation."  And for that matter, is it wrong for us to take 40 days out of our lives to do away with distractions and go through our own desert (Matthew 4:1) and focus on Christ and at the end of that 40 days celebrate Him?  It's a time to walk through the desert and that mourning of Christ dying for our sins but then celebrating the brightness because he rose from the grave!  Ann Voskamp wrote a blog about lent, she says, "Lent. It’s the preparing the heart for Easter. Like going with Jesus into the wilderness for forty days, that we might come face to ugly face with our enemy. Our sacrificing that we might become more like Christ in His sacrifice.” She goes on to say,"Lent isn’t about forfeiting as much as it’s about formation. We renounce to be reborn; we let go to become ‘little Christs’. It’s about this: We break away to become.”  “Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation.”  (you can read more of her amazing blog here, http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/why-do-lent-why-a-failing-lent-actually-succeeds-a-booklist/ )  Our pastor made a good analogy last night.  He was talking about baseball teams being in spring training.  He asked us if they were at spring training to become baseball players?  No, because they are already baseball players.  They are there to practice and work on their weaknesses to become better ball players...

This journey seems so powerful to me and I'm so grateful that I can celebrate this "Bright Sadness".  The Ash Wednesday service last night at my church was so powerful.  We go in and sing a couple of songs, it's an intimate spirit, lights low, candles lit all around.  You can smell the ash in the air, the ash that came from the burned palm leaves from Palm Sunday.  The black cloth laying out so you can go write your "sin" in black marker, the same black cloth that will be draped over the cross, the same black cloth that will become a white cloth on Easter Sunday.  The paper, glue & clay that are set out on tables so kids can do a craft to interpret what lent means to them.  The stone that we carry with us "as a reminder to identify with Jesus in his willing submission to God’s will, letting “the stones remain stones” and trusting the Heavenly Father in significant new ways".

"She who knows her sins much, loves much, and the road to heaven is paved with the realization that I deserve hell. His rising will be all my joy, because I know it my bowels: He is all my hope." Ann Voskamp

To learn more about lent you can visit my church website: http://www.irvingbible.org/stories/worship/lent-worship-stories/lent-at-ibc-2/

 

 

My amazing husband

Justin is one of my many blessings.  He is amazing and talented and I'm so thankful for him.  We have redone our living room but it's not complete yet.  There are still a few things here and there that we need to do and changing our our contemporary lamps was one of them.  I sent him a random picture of a lamp shade that was made from an old burlap feed sack.  Similar to the picture below.


And he goes many steps further and makes some amazing lamps.  He took an old post from a front porch and cut it down, drilled holes down the center and added the lamp mechanics.  Then we got some lamp shades from Joann's and some burlap material and covered the lamp shades in the burlap.  The Justin got a stamp and stamped the burlap to look like an old feed sack.  The pictures I'm about to post are of our lamps.  We are not done with them yet because the ends still need to be glued and a few other things but here is the magic.

The stamped words hold so much meaning to me.  I love these lamps and I love my husband!

Gavin's grocery list!

Here is a picture of Gavin's grocery list that I said I would post a picture of. 

Ice cream, gatorade & tortillas, what more could a kid want!?