Stress

Do you ever feel like your the only one?  The only one stressing and freaking out about what seems like everything?   I'm having one of those moments right this second.  I know that everything will be fine, I can see the rescue boat I just have to climb in (have you ever tried to climb into a boat while your in the water?  Even one with the ladder?  The ladder goes up under the boat and you have to use all your arm strength to pull yourself up).  Anyway, I hate being like this becuase I get down then I start feeling like a failure. 

I'm stressing out about money (everything seems to have hit all at once) so I've failed at my finances and my budget.  I've failed at getting out of debt and trying to save money. 

I'm stressing about my weight so I'm a failure at that.  I feel like I have good intentions but I fall off the eat right & exercise banwagon everyday so I fail everyday. 

Because I'm stressed, I act stressed, stressed = moody!  Never a good combination when your trying to be the best wife and mother. 

You know what is amazing?  Even though I feel all these things and I think I'm failing at everything, God sees something different.  To Him I'm perfect because He fearfully and wonderfully made me.  He reminded me that I have been faithful and consistant with my tithes and my finances.  He reminded me of Malachi 3:10- "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."  He asked me, "Didn't I promise you this? So why are you stressing?  You need to release the control and give it to me, have faith in me that I will provide all your needs according to my riches in glory!" 

I needed to ask for forgiveness at this point because I have not put my faith in Him, I have not leaned on Him, I have not asked for His help.  I know He cares for me and everything about me.  Why is that never the first thing I do, cast my cares upon Him?  I feel better already.  Lord, help me to always remember that you are in control and you care about me and what is going on in my life.  

what I want...

Even though my birthday is in July, a girl can dream.  I usually don't want anything for my birthday and don't want people to spend the money.  This year is no exception, but I thought I'd throw a few things out there.

I noticed the other day that my purse has a hole in it!  I'm hard on purses and I carry a ton of stuff.  I saw this amazing purse in Oklahoma City one weekend but it didn't look like it would hold up.  I haven't seen anything I liked until I saw this purse at Maurices!  Of course I would have to look at it to see if it passes the test.  It definitely passes the color test though!


I hate buying clothes because I always think that I'm going to lose weight, but...I always need a new pair of jeans!  I'm picky about my jeans (maybe I shouldn't be, but I am).  My fav jeans so far have been Vigoss, but if they fit and they look good, I'm willing to try new things.

 

Now, I'm not one to buy skinny pants because I think I'd look like a top!


But I got this cute shirt but it's a little too short to wear with leggings and a little too long to wear with jeans!  So I think I need these...

And shoes!  I could always make room for more shoes!

    , etc. etc. etc.

232. Forgetting my phone at home.

231. Finding the fabric I need in a bundle on clearance!

230. Funny stories about the boys reenacted by J.

229. Homemade corndogs.

228. Dinner with Bubba & Zanne

227. Almost figuring out the sewing machine.

226. Working on items for Bo's baby shower!

225. J getting us donuts.

224.  Sleeping in on a cloudy morning.

223.A battle for someones keys because I didn't think they were ok to drive.

222. Stopping and praying for a friends relative that is in the hospital.

221. John & Grace all dressed up.  :)

220. Another party, just for fun.

219. Mary Kay get together.

218. Homemade shirt & headband for a 4 year old.

217. Tutu & tie birthday party for Haley.

216. Keeping Conner & Logan.

215. Pizza & movie night.

214. This Friday going by fast!

213.  Planning to not have credit card debt by the end of the year!!!!!!  :)

212. Getting to take Gav to a basketball game.

211. Free tickets to the Mavs basketball game & parking pass.  Sec. 120, Row W, seats 12-15.

210. Walking/jogging with my mom in the evenings and Gav riding his bike.

209. My mom calling this morning to tell me she loves me! 
208. Justin's job.  I believe he has found where he belongs.

207.  Justin's work giving him a raise.

206. Justin getting more hours at work!

205. The smell of the stargazer lilies sitting on someones desk.

204. Making a budget that I understand fully.

203. A friend staying over for a couple of days.

202. Making dinner plans with an old friend.

201. Gav trying to explain his in class project to me.  I don't remember how many times he used "like" but it was cute and he's growing up.

200. Early to bed, early to rise.

199.  Seeing the shape of the sun and being able to look at it hidden behind the clouds.

198. Driving to work and seeing the sun out the right window and the moon out my left window.

197.  Having my baby back home!

196. Gavin thinking the song "black & yellow" is really saying "rock 'N' yellow"

195. The arms of the trees waving praise to their creator.

194. The whiff of my candles from inside the house.

193. Hearing all the sounds of the night. 

192. Rocking on my front porch.

191. A nice breeze.

190. No power.

189. Justin getting to play softball.

188. Trying to get into shape besides the round one I'm currently in!

187. My mom and I going walking/running last night.

186. The time change!  I love it when it stays daylight longer.

185. A precious baby born this morning Helen Kendall Danielle Wright!

184. Memories of a Grandpa that passed away 3 years ago today.

183. The joy I feel when I think about making baby gifts!

182. Gavin's step-mom.  Such a blessing knowing my baby is in good hands.

181. Gavin having a great dad, step-mom & sister to spend his spring break with.

180. Missing my Gav.

179. Going home.

178. Visiting my old children's pastor and his beautiful family (it's been about 13 years)!

177. Free breakfast.

176. Praying that if it's the Lord's will my dad with get THAT job.

175. Mark talking about a possible job back home.

174. Being at the venue where Cross Canadian Ragweed got their start.

173. Passing the gifts on to others.

172. Spending the weekend with my husband, mom & dad in Oklahoma.

171. Looking around and constantly seeing the shirts my grandpa used to wear.

170. My sweet daddy bringing me coffee in bed.

169. A relaxing weekend for my dad not having to drive home.

168. Laughs and memories with Mark & Theresa Jones.

167. The moon shining down.

166. The Oklahoma mountains.

165. A marriage being worked out.

164. God's divine plan that is beyond our comprehension.

163. My amazing church that makes an old tradition (to some) a refreshing eye opening journey.

162. The "Bright Sadness".
http://www.irvingbible.org/stories/note-from-pastor-andy/note-from-pastor-andy-3911/

161. The ashes coming from the burned palm leaves from last palm Sunday.

160. Ash Wednesday.

159. This quote from Ann Voskamp's blog.  "She who knows her sins much, loves much, and the road to heaven is paved with the realization that I deserve hell.  His rising will be all my joy, because I know it: He is ALL my hope."

158. My amazing husband building lamps from a front porch post.

157. Ideas turned into reality.

156. Plans to look forward to.

155. Medicine making me feel better.

154. A praying G-Mama.

153. The view from my bedroom window.

152. The warm sun shining in the cold house. 

151. J & Gav making shadow puppets.

You were always on my mind

3 years ago today my Grandpa passed suddenly from a heart attack.  He was plowing in one of his fields doing what he loved to do.  He was the support beams of our family.  It is rough and I replay that day in my mind over and over.  I know that I will see him again soon though.



Next thing on my mind is I'm dying to make stuff!  I have friends and family that are having babies and I want to make blankets, bibs & burp cloths!  I'm not a sewer so it's kind of hard for me to get started but I'm going to start!  I have a little cousin that has a birthday this month and I'm going to use my cricut to cut fabric and make a cute shirt....I'm going to do it! 


And onto the next thing.  My mom and I went walking/jogging last night and are planning on making it a habit.  I used to jog 4 or 5 days a week when I was in high school and I would love to get back to that.  Not to mention we have a friends wedding to attend in May and I don't want to be self concious around all those beautiful skinny people!  So guess what my work is doing today?  Celebrating St. Patty's Day with ice cream and cookies and you know what?  I'm not going to eat any of it.  I'm going to make my self a cup of hot tea and I'm going to look away!

Ash Wednesday & Lent

I grew up in a church that didn't recognize the Lenten season.  It was a few years ago when I started going to my current church (Irving Bible Church) that I was able to experience this journey. 

I have a friend that wrote in his blog, "There is no "season" to repentance. We are to live a life of repentance and repent every day, our whole life long. This whole idea of a season of repentance is wrong headed in my opinion. We die to sin and self and serve the Lord everyday throughout our entire life."  I agree with what he says.  But can't this season be about more than gorging ourselves on Fat Tuesday and then giving up chocolate for 40 days just to say that we did it?  It is kind of like a time to reflect, I mean really it can mean several different things to several different people.  The "Bright Sadness" as my pastor calls it because "it's a time of both mourning and celebration".  "During this season, we imitate Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for 40 days. We focus on Christ’s battle with Satan that he waged in order to win our salvation."  And for that matter, is it wrong for us to take 40 days out of our lives to do away with distractions and go through our own desert (Matthew 4:1) and focus on Christ and at the end of that 40 days celebrate Him?  It's a time to walk through the desert and that mourning of Christ dying for our sins but then celebrating the brightness because he rose from the grave!  Ann Voskamp wrote a blog about lent, she says, "Lent. It’s the preparing the heart for Easter. Like going with Jesus into the wilderness for forty days, that we might come face to ugly face with our enemy. Our sacrificing that we might become more like Christ in His sacrifice.” She goes on to say,"Lent isn’t about forfeiting as much as it’s about formation. We renounce to be reborn; we let go to become ‘little Christs’. It’s about this: We break away to become.”  “Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation.”  (you can read more of her amazing blog here, http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/why-do-lent-why-a-failing-lent-actually-succeeds-a-booklist/ )  Our pastor made a good analogy last night.  He was talking about baseball teams being in spring training.  He asked us if they were at spring training to become baseball players?  No, because they are already baseball players.  They are there to practice and work on their weaknesses to become better ball players...

This journey seems so powerful to me and I'm so grateful that I can celebrate this "Bright Sadness".  The Ash Wednesday service last night at my church was so powerful.  We go in and sing a couple of songs, it's an intimate spirit, lights low, candles lit all around.  You can smell the ash in the air, the ash that came from the burned palm leaves from Palm Sunday.  The black cloth laying out so you can go write your "sin" in black marker, the same black cloth that will be draped over the cross, the same black cloth that will become a white cloth on Easter Sunday.  The paper, glue & clay that are set out on tables so kids can do a craft to interpret what lent means to them.  The stone that we carry with us "as a reminder to identify with Jesus in his willing submission to God’s will, letting “the stones remain stones” and trusting the Heavenly Father in significant new ways".

"She who knows her sins much, loves much, and the road to heaven is paved with the realization that I deserve hell. His rising will be all my joy, because I know it my bowels: He is all my hope." Ann Voskamp

To learn more about lent you can visit my church website: http://www.irvingbible.org/stories/worship/lent-worship-stories/lent-at-ibc-2/

 

 

My amazing husband

Justin is one of my many blessings.  He is amazing and talented and I'm so thankful for him.  We have redone our living room but it's not complete yet.  There are still a few things here and there that we need to do and changing our our contemporary lamps was one of them.  I sent him a random picture of a lamp shade that was made from an old burlap feed sack.  Similar to the picture below.


And he goes many steps further and makes some amazing lamps.  He took an old post from a front porch and cut it down, drilled holes down the center and added the lamp mechanics.  Then we got some lamp shades from Joann's and some burlap material and covered the lamp shades in the burlap.  The Justin got a stamp and stamped the burlap to look like an old feed sack.  The pictures I'm about to post are of our lamps.  We are not done with them yet because the ends still need to be glued and a few other things but here is the magic.

The stamped words hold so much meaning to me.  I love these lamps and I love my husband!

Gavin's grocery list!

Here is a picture of Gavin's grocery list that I said I would post a picture of. 

Ice cream, gatorade & tortillas, what more could a kid want!?

trying to get this number thing down (long post, it's been a while)

150. Justin helping friends out repairing furniture.

149. Gavin riding his bike for the first time without training wheels!

148. The opportunity to get caught up on my list.

147. Jury Duty- remind me Lord that I am blessed to live in a country where we have the right to a trial by jury.

146. Innocent until proven guilty. 

145. 30 extra minutes of sleep this morning!  30 minutes is 30 minutes!

144. Downloading music for Gavin's ipod.

143. getting everything done at work and staying busy all day!

142. looking for new A/C window units.

141. Smelling the sweet fragrance of everything blooming and preparing for spring!

140. Bubba & Justin fixing the water line.

139. lunch with Gav, Mommy, Daddy, Cherilyn & Lori.

138. people wanting to change.

137. Daddy preaching at the Cowboy church.

136. Dance party in the garage with Mommy & Daddy. 

135. Birthday parties!

134. Gav saying "sepetariat" when he saw some horses (he really meant Secretariat, the movie about the horse)!

133. My mom offering to go to the store for me since Gav was sick.

132. A day to myself to get groceries and do nothing!

131. Gavin's grocery list for J!  (I will have to post pics later)

130. The lady in front of me @ the store needing a price check (and it taking for-e- ver) but it gave me a minute to stop and breath!

129. The lady in front of me @ the store thanking me for my patience.

128. Phillip, Lisa & Mason in town and getting to visit.  We stayed up late telling stories and having a great time.

127. J working in the yard.

126. watching J and Gav in the tractor moving tree branches.

125. seeing the hair on Gav's arms and realizing he's growing up.

124. Knowing I have what I want & need and being happy.

123. Navigation systems!

122. Date night!

121. Food spilling in my car, me getting upset & J telling me it's ok and reminding me of the 1000 gifts.  He said we have a great dinner so everything is good!

120. My new Toms shoes!


119. Gav trying to tickle my neck. (makes me laugh even if it doesn't tickle)

118. tickling Gav.

117. Take out for dinner.

116. learning a new job @ work.

115. Auntie Anne's pretzel for dinner.

114. knowing the right thing to do in a situation.

113. coupons!

112. finding a cute dress!


111. shopping with my mommy.

110. Blogs (I learn so much and it gives me ideas)

109. J going to help my G-Mama with something.

108. A nice little walk @ work to get the mail.

107. Texting rap lyrics back and forth with my bestie!

106. what to wear to a b-day party...oh the dilemma!

105. Afternoon coffee breaks.

104. finishing each others sentences.

103. J & I thinking alike.

102. J & I sending an email to each other at the same time about the same thing.

101. The breeze blowing the plants outside my work window.

100. Gavin's cute comments, "mommy, I have two questions.  I like my hair like this & can you open this?"

99. watching Gavin ride his bike (with training wheels).

98. beautiful weather for a walk.

97. new perfume.



96. knowing how much my husband loves me regardless if it's Valentine's Day or not.

95. Valentine dinner.

94. being with the loves of my life.

93. flowers.

92. Valentine's Day.

91. having my Gav back home.

90. spending time with J.

89. looking for things to use for baby Justus' Narnia themed room.

88. looking at old him things.

87. The Old Home Supply Store in Ft. Worth.


86. Breakfast @ Ol' South.



85. Making fun of movies with Bubba.

84. helping Bonita pick out baby names.

83. looking after a friend for a while.

82. getting taxes done.

81. the sweet old man sitting next to us at breakfast.  He was by himself so I finally told him he could sit with us but I don't think he heard me so we just starred at each other smiling.

80. Breakfast with J and my parents.

79. Baby Justus!

78. Cadence International and their ministry to the military.

77. The military and the men and women who sacrifice and serve.

76. going to Adam & Bo's house.

75. Chick-Fil-A.

74. Trying to smile and find joy when Gavin is whining about a toy.

73. Target!


72. Memories, they help keep things alive.

Ephesians 5:20- Always give thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So I'm done reading One Thousand Gifts and I loved it.  A real eye opener and I've really been trying to see the joy in everything and give thanks for everything.  It's a little hard.  I smiled and said thank you when I wanted to scream when my son was whining about a toy that he wanted in Target.  I've tried to notice the small things that I didn't want to take for granted.  I'm having a hard time this morning though and I'm questioning myself thinking I don't have this one thousand gifts down like I thought I did.  Or that I don't understand it.  Maybe it's one of those things that can be interpreted many ways and it just depends on your personality and how you perceive it. 

As I'm sitting here thinking about it, a light bulb just went off and correct me here if I'm wrong.  In the book Ann talks about several tragedies that have occurred.  That is what I was having trouble wrapping my head around.  How do I give thanks for my best friend and her husband separating?  How do I find joy and give thanks in that moment?  Maybe it's not about giving thanks for the bad but giving thanks THROUGH the bad!  That was probably in Ann's book and for some reason I didn't get it until just now. 

Thank you Lord for your mercies that are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness!

Feb 8, 2011

67. that old song that comes on the radio...the ones that takes you back.

68.  God is great, beer is good & people are crazy

69. new dishes

70. this old house

71. if these walls could talk...they would tell of the generatons before

Feb 7, 2011

56. Dinner with family the past few evenings

57. being upset about not getting a good hand in Mexican Train (final score 434!)

58. everyone being on edge trying to play rock band

59. the past few days of family being together and old issues not seeming to matter.

60. Superbowl party

61. sauerkraut (finally liking it)

62. seeing the jets in the distance getting ready to fly over the stadium where the Superbowl is.  I feel like a little kid (they are in that pic, I promise). 

63. home made covers for my living room pillows (thanks to my mom)!

64. getting curtains hung in the dining room (added another one too)

65. getting my pics hung in the living room

66. busy morning at work

Feb 3, 2011

51. sleeping in

52. lazy days

53. playing in the snow

54. comforting my Gavy after a bad dream

55. earplugs (for those nights when the snoring starts before I fall asleep)

Feb 1, 2011

38. electricity

39. snow days!

40. heaters

41. coffee

42. free time to clean house

43. Golden Girls

44. America's Next Top Model marathon

45. J's 4-Runner!  It's a life saver on icy roads.

46. Mexican Train with family


47. Hair Nation (a constant of 80's music)

48. Conner jammin to his music.  (jammin?  I sound like my dad!)  Makes me remember when I was that age and did the same thing.  I wish now I would have enjoyed those times because I can't have them back.

49. Our family frases when playing games.  Urine (as in your'n aka- your turn) & Golden opportunity ("GO"lden opportunity)

50. water- because when it freezes and you don't have any, you appreciate it!

Jan 31, 2011

32. Holding my sleepy boy

33. Trying to wake up my sleepy boy

34. Getting butterflies when I think about my husband!

35. Tortilla soup

36. Avocado's

37. Gav finally completing class work in class!

Jan 30, 2011

24) The Hereford sale

25) cousins

26) wearing a hat

27) holding hands with my Gavy

28) reading where you can

29) riding rides

30) Thinking about my grandpa while passing the tractors (kind of expecting him to be there waiting on us)

31) getting to wear my boots

Jan 29, 2011

19) riding in my grandpa's truck.

20) learning about the lots of cows with my Bubba.

 
21) The Ft. Worth Stock Show & Rodeo

22) hearing about my grandpa & great grandpa buying cows at the Hereford sale.

23) Joe T. Garcia's

Jan 28, 2011

9) A beautiful sunrise

10) Trying Vegemite for the first time.  I wouldn't eat it again, but I tried it!

11) Light bulb moments

12) a good morning text from my bestie

13) American flag blowing in the wind.

14) J and I singing at the top of our lungs while Gav looks on like we are crazy!

15) windows down while driving.

16) the wind making my hair dance

17) bonfires

18) talking about dreams with Zanne, Loisa, Becky & Amy



Jan 27, 2011

6) One Thousand Gifts; because each word stirs in my heart and is making me thankful, regardless of how small or mundane.

7) A beautiful weather kind of day!

8) The sound of my son singing a praise song.  (Sing praise, sing praise, forever God is faithful...His love endures forever)

one thousand gifts

Jan 26, 2011


1) a hot shower on a cold morning.

2) Getting off work early

3) lunch with my mom

4) my amazing husband cooking dinner

5) his hands running through my hair.

One Thousand Gifts

I have seen this book several places and decided that I needed to pick it up and read it.  In the process of looking at this book, I discovered Ann's blog.  I was blown away by her beautiful words.  As I started reading the book (I'm almost to chapter 4) I knew that making a list was something I wanted to do.  I feel like I could write 1000 things today, there are so many things that I love and that I'm thankful for.  What I feel like I need to do though is slow down...receive the unexpected blessings that come my way that I would usually overlook.  The small things, the things that are often taken for granted, the things that I wouldn't normally acknowledge as blessings. 

I picked up a journal today.  One that I can keep with me so I don't miss the opportunity to write something down.  I plan on keeping the list posted on this blog as well.  I want to be good and take pictures and post them with this list as well..we'll see! 

My adorable journal and my favorite color ink (teal) pen!



Ann's blog:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/

Resolutions, no thanks!

This time of year everyone is all about the resolutions.  I need to loose weight here and tone this, I’m going to stop eating this and replace it with that, etc.  It’s always the same…every year.  In fact, I think I’ve had the same resolution on my list every year since I was old enough to know what a resolution was!  This year, I don’t want to make any resolutions because I know I will end up failing.  I was thinking today about what 2011 has in store and I honestly believe that God has something great in store for us every year.  That doesn’t mean there will not be really low lows, but think about the blessings that could be waiting for us on the upside of that low!  Sometimes we have to go through the lows to get to the blessings.  I started praying about this year and all it holds and I decided to write these things down as a starting point.

Prayer for 2011

1)       Finances- that we will get out of debt soon!  That our desire to be debt free will be stronger than our desire for material things.  That we will be wise with our money and save as much as we can, tithe as much as we can so we can be free to give to others as much as we can.

2)       Vehicles- That our vehicles would last us years longer that we ever expected and that they would get us where we need to go. That God’s hand would protect us and our cars where ever we go. 

3)       Jobs- That we will have favor at our place of employment.  That we would be successful at whatever we do.  That these places are permanent for us unless God has something better for us (and if He does we would have peace knowing the plan God has for us).

4)       Motivation- That we would be motivated to keep our lives healthy.  That we would have the focus and strength to eat right and exercise so we can be who God created us to be and do what he created us to do.  To be motivated to keep our house (inside & out) in order and clean (for the sanity of myself and those around me).

5)       Marriage- As we continue to draw closer to God, we continue to draw closer to each other.  That we would be patient with each other and slow to anger and that we would always take time to listen.  That we continue to show (and say to) each other how much we love them and never take the other for granted.  Bart Millard of MercyMe posted on Facebook, “Look how you treat your husband/wife. It can show how you treat Christ. How's your marriage?” 

6)       Family & Friends- That our families & friends would be blessed in all ways (financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc.).  That we get to spend as much time with them as possible because it is precious and good for the soul!

7)       Children- That the Lord would bless my child.  That we continue to raise him to the best of our ability.  That we would be slow to anger and frustration and we will always be positive and uplifting always showing how much we love him.  That he would continue to grow and mature in the Lord and in wisdom.  That he would be successful and motivated in school and in other areas. 

8)       Talents/Hobbies- That we would take time to work on our talents and hobbies.  The Lord placed the desires in our hearts or gave us wonderful talents and it is only right that we take time to use the gifts God gave us.  

9)       Health- That all our friends and family (ourselves included) would be in perfect health throughout this year and years to come.  We pray that bodies would be made whole, perfect and complete and that  no harm or sickness would come to us. 

I pray that this year would be the best year.  God has great things in store and if I am obedient He will open the flood gates and pour out His blessings.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.